Man’s best friend

According to some recent statistics, man’s new best friend is the cat. This is probably due to an increase in single men.

Not to be mistaken for a dog, the cat’s intense gaze is not one of adoration or admiration

I was recently given a sign made of slate that states:
‘Be the person your dog thinks you are’.
This is indicative of our relationship with dogs. And very different to our relationship with cats.
Do you want to be the person your cat thinks you are? In other words, do you want to feel inconsequential and unimportant, and even a little inferior?
So the question that occurs to me is: Why do so many men prefer cats?

Here is something else to consider: recent research has been done into the indifference that cats display to people. Apparently it’s just an act! Experiments show that cats often choose people over food or toys.
The research fails to explore what I consider a crucial question: do cats choose people over food or toys because they know that people can get them food or toys?
I suspect that cats merely use people.
Which neatly brings us back to men.
I suspect that men like cats because cats remind men of… men.

Consider some of the similarities between cats and men.

Cats do not prepare their own food. They sit and wait and gaze into the distance until someone puts a plate of food in front of them.

Is this where we keep the coffee?

The exception is The Great Outdoors, where cats catch their own food, play with it and eat it. Men, outdoors, want to be in charge of the barbecue, their equivalent of going back to nature. But with gas, and carefully selected and sliced meat, and an apron that says ‘Licence to grill’ or ‘Prick with a fork’.

Busy with the barbecue

Cats often disappear for an entire day or night and when they come home they lie down and do nothing for hours at a time. Add the remote and what do you see?
Cats don’t listen to anyone, but when they make a noise they expect everyone to take notice.
Cats are emotionally detached.
Cats often have a secret second family… ok, that’s stretching a point, but there have been cases..

On his way to the other family?

Cats show their affection by pummelling you gently, demanding attention, frequently accompanied by drooling – sound familiar?
Finally, the fact that nails this hypothesis: have you ever seen a cat admit that it made a mistake?
No, I deliberately left that poo outside the litter tray..
That cup of tea deserved to be knocked over.. twice
Hairballs – you just leave them wherever, no one cares
I never meant to eat all of that mouse – you can have the head

I rest my case.